mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm like, not good at living.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
