Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
