you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
