Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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