I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
