it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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