stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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