I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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