cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
