I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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