She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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