What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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