he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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