and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
