i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
