absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
