Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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