its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
