She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
