dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
