oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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