I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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