you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
