Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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