I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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