he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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