he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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