Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
