my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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