he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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