nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
