So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
