I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
