I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
