I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
