either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
