Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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