I am spending my child support on dildos
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
