how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it because I queefed?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
