Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
