She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
