We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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