I accidentally burped into my bong.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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