Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
