i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
