you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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