The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just threw up on my dentist
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
