My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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