roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
