Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A+ Viking dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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