Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I touched a dick in church today
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
