She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
