Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
